SEX

While we're making your lattes we're not standing behind the coffee machine talking about how unfortunate it is that skinny milk doesn't froth well. No. We're talking about sex. From beginning to end.

Positions. Cocks. Blow jobs. Contraception. Threesomes. Anal. How he could go down on you better. Sex with strangers. Sex with flatmates. Sex with enemies. Sex on cocaine. And most importantly - orgasms.

Everything is open to discussion and nothing is sacred. We make 16 year old boys look like virginal nuns. We are whores and we are proud.

But all of you general public, you're the ones who should be ashamed. The only reason our cafe is so busy is because you all come in and sit as close as you can to the coffee machine to inconspicuously eavesdrop on our lascivious conversations. You've got no interest in how creamy your latte is, or the economics section of The Age that's in front of you. All you want to know is did she or didn't she sleep with her flatmate again and have they been caught out by the girlfriend next door.