Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Overheard conversation out the back

Man One : "So what are you going to get your girlfriend for Christmas?"

Man Two : "Some fluffy pink slippers and a dildo."

Friday, November 19, 2010

our special place

At our cafe we have a box full of pencils but no sharpener. We use the pencils till they get blunt, then put them back with all the others.

Now we just have a box full of blunt pencils.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

skinny fat fat

Today I actually used skinny milk to make skinny lattes, instead of using fat milk for everything and just pretending.

I must be in love.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


While we're making your lattes we're not standing behind the coffee machine talking about how unfortunate it is that skinny milk doesn't froth well. No. We're talking about sex. From beginning to end.

Positions. Cocks. Blow jobs. Contraception. Threesomes. Anal. How he could go down on you better. Sex with strangers. Sex with flatmates. Sex with enemies. Sex on cocaine. And most importantly - orgasms.

Everything is open to discussion and nothing is sacred. We make 16 year old boys look like virginal nuns. We are whores and we are proud.

But all of you general public, you're the ones who should be ashamed. The only reason our cafe is so busy is because you all come in and sit as close as you can to the coffee machine to inconspicuously eavesdrop on our lascivious conversations. You've got no interest in how creamy your latte is, or the economics section of The Age that's in front of you. All you want to know is did she or didn't she sleep with her flatmate again and have they been caught out by the girlfriend next door.

Monday, October 11, 2010

The typical early start.

Today I got to work at 7am and spent the first 10 minutes ignoring customers while picking dried up bird shit out of Georgia's hair.

Life's hard when you're just so rock and roll.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

overheard conversation on table 101

"So how did you hurt your hip?"

"I was in a wheelie bin and it fell down a flight of stairs."

Monday, September 20, 2010

Music history.

We're listening to Beach House while making lattes.

Ravi: "Is this Kate Bush?"

Two day later. We're still making lattes. Postal Service is playing.

Ravi: "Is this Rod Stewart?"
Annabel: "No Ravi. This is another band."

In Ravi's universe, music consists of only two bands, in the same way that in Ravi's concept of history Hitler and the Jews were good mates who would play ping-pong while eating big fat slices of lemon tart.